Working Mum, Stay-at-Home Dad: How We Actually Split Responsibilities

**Remember, every family is different. If your setup doesn’t look like this, it doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong**

When we decided my wife would go back to work and I’d become the stay-at-home parent, we didn’t sit down with a laminated spreadsheet and divide the house into zones. If I’m honest, we kind of just fell into the decision.

We just got on with it.

Over time, things settled into place — some naturally and some after tension. Some after quiet resentment, and some after honest conversations we probably should’ve had earlier.

We’re still figuring it out. But this is how we actually split responsibilities in our house right now — not the ideal version, not the Instagram version. The real one.

The Main Roles (In a Nutshell)

While Amy’s at work during the day, I look after Elsie. That’s my shift.

Meals, playtime, meltdowns, naps — the lot.

On the days Amy’s off (Tuesdays and weekends), we spend time together as a family. Call it “sharing the load” — but really it’s just both of us being present. Elsie also goes to nursery once a week and to her nanna’s once a week.

On the days Elsie isn’t home with me, that’s when I get jobs done around the house. DIY, decorating, shopping — anything Amy or Elsie need. It’s the only time I can properly focus without a toddler attached to my leg.

I do the cooking. Amy does the dishes in the evening. The rest? We juggle.

We actually use a planner to keep us on track with appointments, nursery days, and general life admin — it’s been genuinely helpful for keeping everything visible. If you’re curious, it’s this one here: https://amzn.to/4u0HRo7

But beyond the main responsibilities, not everything is rigidly planned.

When it comes to “Who’s making Elsie a bottle?” or “Who’s feeding the cat?” it’s usually whoever’s available. Sometimes you’ll do more. Sometimes you’ll do less.

It balances out over time.

Although I will admit, it is very annoying when I finally sit down — and the cat starts meowing at me for food. I’m convinced Amy’s already done it… only to starkly realise she haven’t. Now she’s upstairs, I’m alone with a wide-eyed feline subtly demanding her sticky soup and Dreamies (not sponsored)

Rant over.

The Guilt That Creeps In

Here’s the part people don’t always talk about.

There’s a quiet guilt that can come with being the stay-at-home parent.

Even when the decision makes sense.
Even when it works financially.
Even when you know full well that childcare is work.

There’s still that internal voice:

“She’s been working all day.”
“I should’ve got more done.”
“The house shouldn’t look like this.”
“I can’t really complain.”

So sometimes I take on more than I probably should.

Not because Amy expects it or demands it.
But because I feel like I should.

And I think a lot of stay-at-home parents — especially dads — feel that.

You don’t want it to look like you’ve had it easier. You don’t want to sound ungrateful. So you quietly carry a bit more or decline any help even though you need it.

So Here’s What I’ve Realised

There is no perfect split.

There’s no magic 50/50 formula. No invisible scoreboard keeping track of who did more this week.

There’s just two tired adults trying to raise a child, run a house, and not lose themselves in the process.

Some days I’ll do more.
Some days Amy will.
Some weeks we’ll both feel stretched.

And that’s normal.

The idea that everything has to be equal every single day? It’s unrealistic. Life doesn’t work like that — especially with a toddler involved.

What matters more is this:

Do you both feel respected?
Do you both feel valued?
Do you both feel like what you’re doing actually counts?

If the answer’s yes, you’re probably doing better than you think.

And if you’re still figuring it out — so are we.

Peace.