“Welcome, patient 0.”

Today was supposed to be nursery day, but Elsie (my 2-year-old) decided today was the day to get sick. Not her fault, obviously — but you know that feeling when you’re quietly looking forward to a day of silence.

“You can’t say that.”
“That’s mean.”

Hear me out, if you don’t value the occasional break from nappy changes, an impossible bombardment of questions, and being coughed on at point-blank range… when can you?

She’s currently sleeping next to me after vomiting all over the cover that’s meant to be keeping her warm. Luckily, it’s my wife’s cover and not mine, so… silver lining and all that.

I have also just realised I’ve been watching CBeebies for over an hour without even noticing I’m watching it alone. This happens far too often. Surely I can’t be the only one who knows the theme songs to every programme… right? RIGHT??

Tip of the day: If your vomiting toddler falls asleep next to you, do not! move a muscle. Or accept the consequences.